Attachment and Anticipated Loss

This flow follows the Narrator (God)'s movement from childish security toward an explicit philosophy of loving despite inevitable separation.

increasingBearing stren­gth in each eventdecreasing

A Bond with Nishio-san

A Bond with Nishio-san Care becomes devotion Nishio-san feeds, comforts, sings to, and carries the Narrator (God). Her affection gives the child a daily sense of being cherished. A chosen relationship The Narrator (God) sees Nishio-san not simply as a caregiver but as a central figure in its private world. The bond helps make Japan feel like home.

The Divine Child

The Divine Child Reverence in ordinary acts Nishio-san treats the Narrator (God) as an okosama, allowing the child to eat from her plate and granting its wishes. Such care confirms the child’s sense of sacred importance. Love mistaken for worship The child interprets tenderness as evidence of divinity, while Nishio-san’s attachment is also grounded in ordinary human care. Their closeness sustains both affection and the child’s self-mythology.

The Resignation Plea

The Resignation Plea Fear of separation When Nishio-san says she may leave, the Narrator (God) clings to her and begs her to stay. The child cannot yet separate an employment decision from the loss of a beloved person. A wider grief emerges Mother’s explanation that the family will also leave Japan makes the child’s fear larger than one relationship. The possibility of losing Nishio-san becomes part of losing an entire world.

A Temporary Embrace

A Temporary Embrace Reassurance restored Nishio-san returns and promises she will stay. The Narrator (God) embraces her with renewed intensity, relieved that the immediate rupture has been avoided. Affection under a deadline The child now knows that a promise to stay cannot undo the family’s future departure. Love becomes more urgent because the time available for it is limited.

Choosing Fiercer Love

Choosing Fiercer Love Two possible defenses The child understands that attachment can lead to grief and considers avoiding it. That response would protect against loss only by refusing the relationship itself. Love despite its end The Narrator (God) chooses to love more intensely while there is time. This principle turns anticipated mourning into a reason for fuller affection, not withdrawal.

After the February 1970 awakening

At age two and a half

At age three

Later the same day

After the family’s departure is announced